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Brief Book Reviews 9 February 2004 My Husband Betty:
Love, Sex and Life with a Cross-dresser Helen Boyd This is a groundbreaking
work on men who like to dress in women’s clothes and the women who love them,
even if they hate their cross-dressing.
It’s thorough and informative, sure to be helpful to the stunned wife
who’s just discovered after 30 years of marriage why her pantyhose so often
go missing, or that that lipstick doesn’t mean he’s having an affair (and
maybe now she wishes it did).
Boyd is an excellent guide to the subject, sympathetic and supportive
to both the cross-dresser and his partner. She’s aware that this is one of the last few closets
(“Helen Boyd” is a pseudonym), but also critical: she says when
cross-dressers complain to her that they can’t, like she can, wear whatever
they want, she smartly points out both that women can’t wear whatever they want without risking harassment, and
that as long as they stay in the closet cross-dressers haven’t earned that
right and freedom. She
investigates some common myths, such as that “crossdressing is not about
sex”; she’s honest: gender being fluid, there’s no guarantee that your
husband isn’t on a journey to becoming your wife (and/or ex-husband), and she
does her best to explain the sometimes confusing theories, and concepts like
autogynephilia. Boyd knew about
her husband’s habits almost as soon as they began dating, and freely shares
that although she’s a “tomboy,” a feminist, open-minded and interested in
gender issues, it’s masculinity she’s sexually attracted to, and this is a
constant struggle in a basically good marriage. She’s funny: “when my husband sits on the couch in high
heels and a dress, yelling at the football game I call it ‘the worst of both
worlds’” and not shy about asking the hard questions: “Why does ‘getting in
touch with his feminine side’ require him to wear clothes that you think make
him look like a slut?” Her
openness, intelligence and critical eye make her a great guide to this
subject, and have also gotten her kicked off several listservs for trying to
understand cross dressers and refusing to accept that a man has to feel
terrible about it. She rightly
points out that, as in any relationship, it’s communication and cooperation
that are important; thus, for any heterosexual relationship this book has
insights about gender roles, aggressiveness, and negotiation. The Between Boyfriends Book: A Collection of Cautiously Hopeful EssaysCindy Chupack Chupack is a former
writer for Sex and the City, and this is a collection of her short
pieces on dating, etc. Nothing
new here, but she has pluck and a punchy wit. It’s delightful to be caught out: who among us hasn’t had
to force herself to stop “shampooing with the water off just in case he
calls?” Caitlin Flanagan, who on
her women, marriage, and relationships beat at the Atlantic churns out smug,
lightweight social commentary that does nothing but make women feel worse
than they already did, has harsh words for Chupack, who confesses in her
weirdest piece to having anonymous phone sex with a wrong number, thinking
it’s her married lover. Okay,
that’s a real low point. But
Cindy is trying. And I’m really
tired of listening to Caitlin whine about having to have sex with her husband
when she’d rather be watching Frontline in her sweatpants – I might
too, but I’d really like to have the option. Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble and Coming of Age in the Bronx Adrian Nicole LeBlanc Reporter LeBlanc spent
years living with and closely observing a loose-knit Puerto Rican family in
New York, and wrote herself so far out of the story that her absence is
palpable. The litany of poverty,
drugs, desperation, and incompetence begs huge questions – how do these
people feel about being the subject of an acclaimed and high-profile
book? How can anyone have stood
by for years and watched them live like this? LeBlanc’s writing is finely tuned, and this is a
compelling read from the first page – but compelling like a car wreck, or an
Elizabeth Wurtzel memoir; watching a disaster is riveting. Teenagers become mothers, and not
much later, grandmothers, without ever learning basic skills to take care of
themselves or their children.
Tenants are at the mercy of their slumlords, rats crawl over them as
they sleep, but when a lawsuit nets a several thousand dollar settlement the
money is quickly blown on takeout food, leather jackets, and cab rides. Drugs are a dangerously alluring
source of cash, and when the cops bust them, these parents of small children,
unlike Enron criminals Andrew and Lea Fastow, aren’t permitted to arrange to
serve their jail time when it’s most convenient for them. Anyone who has read the local news
section of an urban newspaper is familiar with this sort of human misery, and
the book is completely bereft of analysis, so the reader is left wondering:
what are we supposed to do with this information? The pleasure of the fine writing leaves a sour aftertaste
– these are real people out there, and their failures will have repercussions
far beyond one random family. Little People:
Learning To See the World Through
My Daughter’s Eyes Dan Kennedy As I predicted, this
book by a man whose ten-year-old daughter is a dwarf is lots of babble about
“empowerment” and “denigration.” Kennedy writes like a self-righteous college
sophomore who’s just discovered identity politics. He’s adept at pointing out others’ biases while remaining
blind to his own – what’s that business about being uncomfortable imagining a
small white woman having a sexual relationship with a large black man? Kennedy covers the expected material:
dwarfs throughout history, how hard it is to be different, reactions to
controversial limb-lengthening surgery, but his chummy and pompous tone is
overwhelming. Maybe John
Richardson’s book wasn’t so bad after all. Loser Goes First: My Thirty-Something Years of Dumb Luck and Minor HumiliationDan Kennedy Completely different Dan
Kennedy. This is that spacey guy
who always shows up at parties, who when you finally stop and talk to him you
realize he’s saying something interesting and hilarious. We seem to have an endless appetite
for young adult male screwups laughing at themselves (Wayne’s World, Jack
Black, any beer commercial) - I know I can’t resist that. Kennedy is equally self-deprecating
in describing his failure at reasonable pursuits, like finding a job or a
place to live, and at ideas that weren’t so hot to start with, like planning
to scare his roommate in the first floor kitchen by climbing halfway out his
upstairs bedroom window and dangling his legs – the results aren’t
pretty. Definitely worth a look,
and don’t miss his bemused reaction when a firefighting instructor tries to
insult him by comparing him to a girl. 29 December 2003 The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night TimeMark Haddon This slim novel entwines
several mysteries: who killed Christopher’s neighbor’s dog, how Christopher
will find the killer, and what he will do when he does. Christopher, aged fifteen, has
Asperger’s syndrome, which makes him equally annoying and endearing, and very
difficult to live with. The
different foods on his plate can’t touch each other, and can’t be yellow or
brown. He can’t tell a lie. He can’t read facial
expressions. He knows everything
about Apollo space missions. And
if his carefully ordered life is upset, he “does groaning.” Haddon’s deadpan
delivery in Christopher’s voice is amusing when revealing the reactions
adults have to Christopher, and touching when it portrays what it’s like to
be inside his head. Yet we never
pity Christopher – we root for him, we want to protect him, we wonder how
many of those strangers we pass on the street might think like him, and we
realize that we are all unreliable narrators. Blankets: An Illustrated NovelCraig ThompsonThis graphic novel – the
size and shape of a Dickens tome, but every page covered in pictures – was
the perfect reading for a recent snow day. It’s the autobiographical story of Craig, a teenaged
misfit from a Christian home who falls for Raina, another Christian teen and
outsider. (Why are graphic
novels always about misfits?
There’s plenty of textual literature and rock and roll about happy
well-adjusted people, but even superhero stories – graphic literature’s
staples – are about people who were once outcasts). The title is a metaphor several times over: it’s the
sheets Craig and his little brother made into a fort and a ship’s sail when
they shared a bed together as children; the snow covering northern Michigan
when Craig and Raina get to spend several weeks together; the quilt she makes
for him; maybe even the smothering lectures he gets in religion classes. The drawings are the swirly black and
white etchings you’d likely see on the notebook of the long-haired quiet guy
in the back row of home room; they depict the fresh excitements of childhood
wonder and first love as they begin to fray, worn down by life’s long winters
and dashed dreams. The Search for God at HarvardAri Goldman Forget God, this is the
search for Ari Goldman at Harvard.
Goldman scores a sabbatical from the New York Times to spend a year at
Harvard Divinity School. The
author of Being Jewish, an accessible, yet intelligent, interesting,
and very warm look at Judaism, Goldman is a good writer and great
reporter. Though he titles each
chapter with a different world religion, he has his own agenda; the chapter
titled “Hinduism”, for example, offers a few paragraphs about Hinduism and
then several pages of Goldman’s own observations of lesbian and gay divinity
students. The main story he
tells is of his determination to be simultaneously a successful NYT reporter
and an observant Orthodox Jew – he’s the first person to attempt such a
combination, and with luck and chutzpah he succeeds. This memoir is a little breezy, but
it’s a good introduction to the Div school through the eyes of a smart
observer and committed Jew. 10
November 2003 The Israelis: Ordinary People in an Extraordinary LandDonna Rosenthal This book is basically
just a bunch of facts and anecdotes strung together, frequently as
non-sequiturs and often weakly attributed. Rosenthal is a reporter, and is largely impartial towards
her contentious subject matter, but she writes like she’s on a deadline. Still, this is an enticing overview
of various aspects of Israeli social and cultural life, and a great source of
background information on the country’s various populations - a reminder that
Israel is not all Jews, and the Jews are not all alike. Israelis are Arab Muslims, Russian
Christians, Mizrahi Jews who flooded into Israel from Islamic countries, the
Druze, who believe in reincarnation and are noted for their faithful military
service, the nomadic Bedouin, Ethiopian Jews lifted from an isolated
pre-industrial society into one of the most technologically advanced places
on earth, and highly educated Ashkenazi Sabras, “natives” who immigrated in
the last century. This
young country with an ancient history is a palimpsest that can seem crowded
with contradictions. Religion
shapes public life, as the Orthodox require businesses to obey the laws of
kashrut, and control marriage and divorce, yet Israel has the world’s most
progressive gay rights laws. Most Israeli Jews are secular, and those who are
not are Orthodox – there is only one Reform synagogue in Tel Aviv – yet the
Jewish calendar is the norm, and secular Israeli Jews celebrate as a matter
of course holidays that most in the diaspora have barely heard of. Rosenthal portrays the stress that
defines Israeli life: the shudder of a nearby bomb blast, the wail of sirens,
the panicked phone calls to check on the children who take the bus to school,
how it feels to rush from a wedding to attend a funeral. She illustrates the tensions among
various Israelis: the peaceful Arabs living under the suspicion of their
Jewish neighbors; the Orthodox West Bank settlers living among Palestinians;
the gradual resignation and defection of kibbutzniks to a capitalist economy;
the secular resentment against the Orthodox who receive government support
for their studies but exemption from military service, and the ultra-Orthodox
who reject the government of Israel as a heresy, awaiting the government of
the messiah, and who can’t converse in modern Hebrew as they think God’s
tongue should only be used for Torah study. Rosenthal’s book could have used a compelling narrative
and a good editor, but it’s easy to read and packed with information about a
place that’s like nowhere else in the world.
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